Notes of Holiday Cheer
by EvergreenDreamweaver
Summary: Let's read over the shoulders of the Major Crimes detectives as they communicate via e-mail before Christmas, shall we? Humor, nothing but fluffy humor, I promise.


Disclaimer: I do not own the Sentinel or any of the canon television characters, and am making no monies from this story. Any Original Characters belong to the author(s).

Note: This story was originally written around 2003, so technology is not at a 2017 level. Please pardon that fact. Also pardon the email addresses in the story; this site won't allow them to be typed to look "real."

 **Notes of Holiday Cheer**

By

EvergreenDreamweaver

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:42:33

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Isn't it time…?

That you stopped sulking? Two hours has got to be a new record, and you're scaring everybody in the bullpen!

It's not the end of the world, you know!

J.

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:44:06

 **From:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Oh?

"It's not the end of the world, you know!"

Fat lot YOU know! And if you think two hours of sulking is a lot, you ain't seen nothin' yet, baby!

"...you're scaring everybody in the bullpen!"

Good! I hope they all die of fright…you included!

B.

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:48:33

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Oh?

ME? Why me? I didn't organize the Mayor's Children's Christmas Party! And I didn't suggest that you be the Elf, either!

Jim

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:49:55

 **From:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Sure you didn't!

You may not have _suggested_ it, but you didn't try to persuade Simon against it, either! Don't you know what this is going to do to my credibility around the station?

*seethes* An ELF, for God's sake? Why me?

And where the hell am I supposed to put my GUN, in an elf costume?

Blair

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 12, 2000, 10:53:22

 **From:** Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sure you didn't

"An ELF, for God's sake? Why me?"

Because you're the likeliest candidate – and the rookie. Be reasonable…can you see anyone else in Major Crimes being an elf?

Besides, you look elfy.

"And where the hell am I supposed to put my GUN, in an elf costume?"

You have a point there, Junior. Maybe we can find you a costume with pockets.

Now, can't you calm down? Please? I'm beginning to worry about your blood pressure…and I can tell what it is, remember?

Your Sentinel

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:55:38

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Sandburg

I'm not sure picking Blair to be the Elf at the Mayor's Christmas party was a good idea. He's not taking it too well. He's been pouting for over two hours now. And he's raised a valid question: where's he supposed to carry his gun?

Jim

#####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:55:43

 **From:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sure you didn't

"...can you see anyone else in Major Crimes being an elf?"

Why not H? Or Rafe? Or Rhonda? Or Megan? Those costumes were MADE with women in mind!

"Besides, you look elfy."

ELFY? I LOOK ELFY? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"Maybe we can find you a costume with pockets"

How about you just dangle me from the flagpole in front of the precinct? The humiliation factor would be about the same!

And leave my blood pressure out of this! It's YOUR fault it's so high!

B.

#####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:58:04

 **From:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sandburg

We'll have to tackle the gun question. I hadn't thought about that. We're all supposed to carry – invisibly, of course.

I'm sorry Sandburg's so upset, but I had no choice! Who else would make a decent elf?

Simon

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:25:35

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Humiliation factor

Chief, calm down. You're all exclamation points.

Megan and H can't be elves. They're reindeer. And Rhonda was the Elf two years ago. And can you really see Rafe in an elf costume? Give me a break!

'Elfy' wasn't an insult. It just means you're sorta…exotic-looking. Would you prefer 'elvish?'

Want to go to lunch? Maybe it would make you feel better….

Jim

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:26:48

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Elf-napping

Can't we get an elf from another department? Steal one somewhere?

J.

P.S. If ever confronted with this, I'll deny it.

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:43:29

 **From:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** lunch

NO! I never want to go to lunch with you again! Go to hell!

**seethes again** ELFY!

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:53:13

 **From:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Elf-napping

"Can't we get an elf from another department?"

I already tried. Everyone just smirks and says 'It's Major Crimes' turn this year; tough shit!'

Is Sandburg really upset about this, or just blowing off steam?

S.

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:54:05

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: lunch

You sure? It might do you good to get out of here for a little while. All that drawer-slamming can't be good for your desk – and a little while ago you came damned close to smashing your fingers!

Come on, huh? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings with the 'elfy' thing.

Jim

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:02:47

 **From:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: lunch

**Deep sigh** I don't think I could choke anything down right now…but thanks for the offer.

HOWEVER, if Brown keeps singing "What's it all about, Elfie?" I am going to beat him over the head with my phone receiver. I did it to Warren Chapel, and I can do it to _him_! With GREAT PLEASURE!

Blair

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:05:34

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sandburg

"Is Sandburg really upset about this, or just blowing off steam?"

He's really upset. I'm trying to calm him down, but he thinks it's a conspiracy against him. He's refusing to _talk_ to anyone, even me. But at least he'll e-mail.

J.

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:08:28

 **From:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sandburg

Shit

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:09:16

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Whoa!

I asked Brown to knock it off. Nicely. He complied right away. It's all in how you ask, Chief.

What's so bad about being an elf, anyway? You don't have to wear antlers or a fake beard. Elves are cool!

Jim

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:13:47

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sandburg

You said it.

He refused to go to lunch with me. This is serious.

Could we import some elves from somewhere else? The Fire Department?

Jim

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:15:32

 **From:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

Subject: Re: Whoa!

"What's so bad about being an elf, anyway? You don't have to wear antlers or a fake beard. Elves are cool!"

Elves are cool in _Lord of the Rings_. SANTA'S elves are so-not-cool. **Despairing** Oh God, if I have to be an elf, why can't I be an elf like Orlando Bloom?

I'm going to go stand out in the street and see if I can get hit by a truck… If I'm dead they can't make me be an elf.

S'long.

B.

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:38:02

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** SANDBURG!

Damn you, where'd you go? You'd better not have meant that, about standing in the street!

**Frantic**

Jim

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:40:14

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks c aptbanksMC cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sandburg

I've gotta go find Blair – he said he wants to get hit by a truck!

J.

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:45:38

 **From:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **To:** Henri Brown  browniepoints cpd. gov  , Brian Rafe GQGuy cpd. gov  , Megan Connor ozzizrule cpd. gov  , Joel Taggart captaggart cpd. gov  .

 **Subject:** Sandburg

Whatever you're doing to tease Blair, stop it. Jim thinks he's gone suicidal.

Banks

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:48:09

 **From:** Megan Connor  ozzizrule cpd. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **CC:** Henri Brown  browniepoints cpd. gov , Brian Rafe GQGuy cpd. gov  , Joel Taggart captaggart cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sandburg

I haven't done anything to Sandy! It's H!

Megan

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:50:23

 **From:** Henri Brown  browniepoints cpe. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **CC:** Megan Connor  ozzizrule cpd. gov, Brian Rafe GQGuy , Joel Taggart captaggart cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sandburg

I stopped singing when Jim said to, I swear! The man threatened to tear my tongue out!

Hairboy isn't really suicidal…is he?

H.

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:55:52

 **From:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **To:** Henri Brown  browniepoints cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Sandburg

Singing?

"Hairboy isn't really suicidal…is he?"

Jim tends to exaggerate when it comes to Sandburg, but I'd rather not take any chances.

S. Banks

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:15:32

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** STAY PUT!

Stay in that chair until I say you can get up, dammit! You scared the hell outta me!

And will you just goddamn TALK to me? I'm sick of e-mailing everything!

Your [very jittery] Blessed Protector

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:17:43

 **From** : Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **Subject:** He's safe…

But I think I'm having a coronary!

Ellison

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:18:44

 **From:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: STAY PUT!

I'm sorry. I _was_ in the crosswalk, you know. I _did_ have the right of way. Even if that guy in the BMW didn't think so.

Breathe, Jim.

"And will you just goddamn TALK to me? I'm sick of e-mailing everything!"

Not yet, I'm afraid I'll choke up if I try to talk right now.

Blair

P.S. I'll at least _look_ at the costume. Maybe we can make some changes so I look more like Legolas Greenleaf and less like something making cookies in hollow trees?

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:25:29

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Keebler elves

We can try.

Wanna go to lunch NOW?

Jim [who is still jittery, but hungry]

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:28:43

 **From:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: He's safe…

Are you all right? Is Sandburg all right? What happened?

Simon

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:30:16

 **From:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Keebler elves

I could eat.

B.

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:33:48

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: He's safe…

We're fine. Relatively.

I'll try to settle the elf gig over lunch. Can we change the costume a little? He wants to look like _Lord of the Rings_ instead of Keebler. Would the Mayor mind?

Ellison

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:40:11

 **From:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Elf gig

He's got to look Christmas-y, but we can try. Still working on where he can put his weapon.

Banks

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 11, 2000, 3:15:18

 **From:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Elf gig

Well? Accomplish anything? Sandburg talking yet? Jim, I need this settled – NOW!

Simon

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 18, 2000, 8:03:22

 **From:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **To:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov, Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov, Henri Brown browniepoints cpd. gov, Brian Rafe GQGuy cpd. gov, Megan Connor ozzizrule cpd. gov, Joel Taggart captaggart cpd. gov, Rhonda goldilocks cpd. gov.

 **Subject:** Congratulations

Ladies and Gentlemen, congratulations on a very successful showing at the Mayor's Children's Christmas Party on Saturday afternoon. You did good, people!

Sandburg, going as 'Maëglin Helyänwë the woodland elf' was a stroke of genius. The kids were enchanted, and who knew Her Honor was such a Tolkien fan? Santa was lucky to find Maëglin to help with his toy distribution this year. And putting your gun inside your arrow quiver was a great solution to a sticky problem.

Taggart, you made a great Santa Claus. Rafe, Connor, Brown, Rhonda, good going, all of you.

Ellison, that was damn sneaky! Coming as 'a friendly detective from the North Pole police department' just doesn't cut it! You were SUPPOSED to be a reindeer!

However, I am happy to say that next year it will be Homicide's turn to staff the annual Christmas party, and we'll be off the hook.

Now, can we please get a little WORK done around here before the actual holiday arrives?

Simon Banks

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 18, 2000, 8:10:55

 **From:** Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Simon Banks  captbanksMC cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Re: Congratulations

"Ellison, that was damn sneaky! Coming as 'a friendly detective from the North Pole police department' just doesn't cut it! You were SUPPOSED to be a reindeer!"

The costume made me itch. Trust me on this, Captain – it wouldn't have been pretty!

Ellison

####################

 **Date:** Monday, December 18, 2000, 8:35:27

 **From:** Jim Ellison  jellison cpd. gov

 **To:** Blair Sandburg  bsandburg cpd. gov

 **Subject:** Merry Christmas, Chief!

See? Told you you'd be a success!

Love,

Jim

P.S. You can stop chanting in Elvish now

The End


End file.
